Tuesday, June 13, 2006

doing the job...

greetings, Patriots and Citizens. Tommy from the NSA here. I just wanted to illustrate to you good people (and we know who you are) the kind of great work you can expect from us Decent and God Fearing Agents at your NSA.

Shakespeare is cleaning up dog gifts in the yard and Cynthia is studying up on her digital camera. see, they aren't worried about a thing.

and neither are you.

end transmission.


Blogger christopher cunningham said...

I've never asked, but is Tommy your real name? and am I getting the most for my phone service dollar?

12:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. of course not.

2. as long as you keep your current text messaging plan and do not use the mobile internet service, yes.

end transmission

12:52 PM  
Blogger Luis said...

good Lord!

2:44 PM  
Blogger Luis said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2:44 PM  
Blogger Luis said...

good Lord!

2:44 PM  
Blogger j.b said...

good Lord!

this is hilarious.

but, i'm a tad worried, Tommy, as i don't think i have an agent casing me. i mean, i've been saying some really subversive things, i've fomented a rebellion twice and i've even eaten meat on Friday...and NOTHING.

i'm worried that either you've forgotten about me, or (worse yet) i'm not worthy of your attentions.


justin dot barrett

6:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

mr. dot barrett;

please rest assured that we here at the NSA are VERY thorough in our execution of the "Take Care of America" program. I have personally contacted your agent, Capt. L.T. Frimp, III, and confirmed that he is indeed aware of your situation.

you may relax, Citizen, as you are being appropriately monitored.

and as for your rebellion(s), we had those items taken care of well in advance of any potential damage your little poet brain could've caused This Great Country.

end transmission

7:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Capt. Frimp here.

mr. dot barrett, for your safety, I've ordered around the clock, in-house "security confirmation teams." we have reason to believe that your "new house" is being surveilled by lawless types for use as a "training camp" for hippie subversives bent on general feelgoodery and other abberant behaviors.

this will not stand. we will not allow the good people of Utah to be subjected to peace, love and understanding as long as the NSA has anything to do about it.

these teams will be under Double Secret Deep Cover and will be unidentifiable, disguised as sofa cushions, old hamburger meat, that half finished bottle of wine on the counter over there, and so forth.

your safety is our only concern.

end transmission

7:35 PM  
Blogger j.b said...

phew. cool.

nice to meet you Agent Frimp. i'm relieved as i was beginning to think there was something wrong with me.

and i wondered why those rebellions failed. now it makes total sense. they were foolproof. man, you guys are good!

8:25 PM  
Blogger Luis said...

is my NSA agent bilingual?

does he speak futbol?

Will I be forced to watch
golf on TV?

9:15 PM  
Blogger j.b said...

you best watch out. be careful what you ask for.

not only will you be forced to watch golf. but NASCAR, WWF wrestling and American Idol will also be required.

oh, you poor poor soul.

9:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tommy, NSA here:

are you kidding? bi-lingual? you hipppies are too funny. this is America where the National Language is English. The Leader said so. no limpwristed French, no commie Russian, no greasy Italian. only American.


if we aren't going to be bothered translating Al Queda docs on Sep 10 that say "tomorrow is zero hour" until the 12th, you can bet we won't be bothered learning your so-called language.

still, you can rest easy (in English), because your agent (Agent 45Freedom) is on the case, even if he doesn't understand what you say sometimes.

we'll fill in the blanks for you.

end transmission

12:21 PM  
Blogger j.b said...

oh shit.

told you, Luis. now you're in a world of hurt.

these guys are good, too, Luis. just last night i was taking a nice wet shit when my agent, Frimp, popped up out of the toilet and wiped my ass for me.

he's was pretty damn thorough, too.

3:03 PM  
Blogger christopher cunningham said...

man those guys don't leave anything to chance. j.b, you could've very easily been concealing plans for world domination in yer turds, attempting to flush them to hippie operatives in Greater Salt Lake City.

thank god for the NSA. keeping us safe from terror one shit at a time.

6:26 PM  
Blogger Luis said...

Imagine if the turds, were NSA
agents as well, and cleaning up
after themselves.

Yesterday, I felt like someone
stole my car & replaced it with
a complete replica. They also
put all my shit from my car into
the replica car.

My Cracker Greenland CD was
playing backwards, however,
and hippy chicks were singing
in Spanish.

Did Agent45 Freedom have anything to do with this? Should I be
worried. Will Mexico be
defeated on Friday?

10:45 PM  
Blogger c. allen rearick said...

hahahaha! that's great.

11:40 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home